“You know they weren’t trying to hurt you. They both just have a serious flare for the dramatics,” I hurried on at the look on her face. “Not that I agree with what they did, mind you. I just think, perhaps, that you are taking it a little too hard.”
Those boys were in for a world of hurt, and they had to know it too. For once our little elf finally decided to climb down from that 3 story rock, they had scattered and not braved to enter camp again since.
I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to my body. I knew that her connection with them was far stronger than my own. What I felt was merely an echo of her bond for one, and the other, well that was completely different.
She let me hold her, and buried her face into her hands.
“Perhaps this is not the best way to go about this…” I suggested.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her interest finally peaked at the tone in my voice.
“Well if they can write a song like that, why can’t we write one back?”
The devilish look in her eyes told me that my plan was the best thing I’d said so far.
“I think I know just the tune,” and with her tone of voice, I didn’t argue one bit.
“Okay, this has got to be the perfect opportunity. After you and he open bardic tonight, we get them to sing their song, and then we sing ours.”
After all the work to put the song together, though admittedly my double did most the work except a few precise lines, I was as feverish as she to show it off. And we had the perfect plan. We would have an audience. The bardic fire.
“But how do we convince them to sing theirs? Ours won’t make any sense if the boys don’t sing theirs first…” As much as I wanted to pull this off, I was suddenly worried at the reaction our little exploit was going to get.
“Simple,” she replied with that devilish grin. “We just tell them that we want to hear it again and that we will set it up for them.”
“You are truly evil, you know that?”
“Only as evil as you double of mine.”
I shuddered at that thought.
“Okay so are you ready for this?” I asked in a trembling voice. My nerves were shot to hell. I was going to have too many sets of eyes on me way too many times at this bardic tonight.
“Ashke, it will be fine. Do you remember the words?” she asked, trying to reassure me.
A look of horror struck my face as I tried to think of my lines.
“It’s okay, love. I will bring the song book. They won’t notice anything out of the ordinary.”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I looked into her eyes.
“I can do this.”
“Yes, you can.”
“My bard is better than yours,” I taunted.
“Oh no, he isn’t. My bard is better by far,” came the retort.
“My bard’s voice is like honey, so sweet,” I continued.
“Ah but my bard boasts the voice of a hundred men and you could hear his voice from miles away,” she boast.
“My bard could melt a heart of stone and bring even the hardest of men to tears,” I assured her.
“My bard could sing a woman to his bed and have her begging to do his every whim,” she argued.
“My bard is still better.”
“No he’s not, mine is.”
“Ladies, ladies…” one of the boys broke us off. “Surely there must be a better way to settle this.”
“Are you saying that you agree with her? You think you’re better than me?”
“Only a fool would believe otherwise.”
And as the boys broke into their song, they didn’t notice as we slowly inched our way to the other side of the fire, ready to make our retort. A bard’s retort.
“A curse upon those bards, another on their tongues, a double curse upon that song I swear…” I began.
- Music:All the SCA music I can remember
So I got in touch with Eric for the first time in 4 years. The wonders of MySpace... He wasn't happy with me because since he wouldn't respond to me I decided to message his wife instead (who is pregnant.) Not that I want the kids to have anything to do with Eric, but I think it's sad that they will never know this or any other siblings they may have.
So I told him that he needs to start paying child support (he's five years behind which adds up to about $10,000) or give up his parental rights. He asks me where to send it, and as I am about to send him a friends address in WA so he doesn't know where I live, he BLOCKS me! SOOOOO damn close. *sigh* So the time frame for abandonment seems to be about five years in NV for marriage so I figure it will work for the kids too. One more year and I can just go to a judge demand the back child support and that his parental rights get taken away and probably get both. Then Bill will be able to adopt the kids and everything will be cool... Well it's a plan for now.
And he's gone again....
Does he even realize what that does to me? I guess the fact that the biological father of my children just walked out one day and never came back doesn't even matter to him.
(happy about that, don't get me wrong, just still leaves scars.)
So here I am, 2:30am, on the computer 'cuz I know I can't sleep til he gets back even though I have to be at work at 10am.
I don't know whether to scream or cry. I don't do that shit to him, I don't know why he does it to me. Maybe because he knows it gets to me, or maybe I never told him how much that hurts... I don't know. Thought I heard the front door, but I'm not going to check. I'll just wait and see if he comes up here.
We're supposed to be married in 6 months.
I can't even get frustrated about anything! It could be work, the kids, or even my parents and he automatically thinks that I am out to get him. If I can't vent once in a while I will burst! I try explaining this to him, but then he just avoids me and it's like "shhh... don't bother the crazy lady."
I don't know what to do. I wonder if it would make a difference if I actually let him see that he's hurt me, rather than just acting pissed off... but what if it doesn't make a difference? Then it will only hurt even more...
*sigh* this sucks
I think this has got to be the first time in my life that I am actually have a very full life. Work takes up a good amount of time, plus the kids at home, planning a wedding, taking care of mom, and of course just trying to have some time with Bill.
Work: I am being trained as a supervisor. Kinda useless for me because I don't think anyone will be leaving in our department for me to get the spot. It helps my management team though because we have had 2 of 4 out on medical leave so far this year and #3
will be out soon on maternity leave. So they have me to help pick up the slack. Bill should be getting promoted the end of the month though, so we are really excited about that. Not in the least because it means we will finally have at least one day off together.
Kids: I can't believe how fast they are growing up. Cody is kinda into Twilight, which I find funny. They are both showing a great interest in music. They both love to sing and Cody wants to learn to play the drums and the guitar. Ellie is very much the drama queen, but I hope she will ease up on that soon. Hard to believe that Cody will be starting school the end of this summer...
Wedding: We found a way to pay for the wedding. We are using my tax returns. Unfortunately we had to use some of that on a down for a new car. The Chevy finally bit it. So now we are scrambling on how to come up with the money to replace that. I am soooo excited about this! And going to Hawaii for the first time and having Bill all to myself for a whole week!!
Bill: We aren't perfect like everyone at work thinks we are. We have had a few fights, but we seem to be pretty good at talking them out. I am still just as in love with him today as I was a year ago... No that's not true. I am MORE in love with him than I was a year ago. We are even planning to get my tubes untied in a couple years and have another baby (he doesn't have any.)
All in all, life is pretty good.
- Music:Twilight soundtrack
Ever notice that the one that is truly the best for you is usually the one right in front of you that you never notice? Months of that and I finally went out with Bill. Turned out to be one of the best decsions that I have made in a long time. We are engaged to be married Oct. 1, 2009. Hopefully in a year we will have all the money we need saved up. I am late on my period, which is exciting and nreve wracking at the same time. Everything has been truly amazing!!! And the kids finally have a Daddy!!! We are looking into what it would take for Bill to adopt the kids since Eric has had no contact in 3 years and has never paid a dime in child support. Our lives are finally complete and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world!
I had my first date in about 5 years last night. Gods it was fantastic!! He took me to dinner and we laughed and talked and had a great time. It's rather fun really getting to know him rather than just seeing him at work and talking on the phone from time to time. Brian then treated me to a movie, and cuddled with me when he noticed my hands were freezing. It felt so good to have his arm wrapped around me. I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile and he kissed me! I don't know how I should have felt, but it felt wonderful. We spent the rest of the night finding little excuses to touch or kiss and it was great. He even called today, so I hope that means when he says that he can't stop thinking about me and really likes me he means it. He is even extremely interested in meeting the children. wow! I can't wait to see how this plays out.
Yep I got it. I can't believe how nervous I was about that interview; it went so smoothly. So starting in a week and a half I will be in High Limits. My supervisor is sooo happy about it! After all, he was the one who told me to apply because he wanted me in there. In the interview my manager said that if he is going to lose me at least I am technically still in the same department. lol. It's kinda nice knowing that you are pretty good at your job that they want to keep you around.
Tuesday night will be the celebration party. A bunch of people from work are taking me out to go dancing and have a few drinks. I won't be getting drunk or anything, still have to work on Wednesday and have the munchkins to take care of, but it should be fun nonetheless. Now if only I can get Dan to go!! Although, Tony might be enough fun for me to forget about Dan... or one can hope. Tony was my competition for the High Limits spot and I am now training him in Club Paradise. Great guy, funny as hell, and I do enjoy his company already.
Ah well... I am just lonely and would like some company is all...
I think this is the only place that I can post truth and not be terrified that it might get back to "He-who-shall-not-be-named." That is what Joe has started calling Eric. lol.
I can't believe that it's almost Halloween. Unfortunately I have to work that night til about 3 in the morning. Looks like Mom and Joe will be taking the kids trick-or-treating. At least I get to wear my costume to work. That should be funny. I am a fallen angel this year. Ellie is being a gothic bride and Cody is Spiderman.
Dan and I got into our first fight Saturday night. Someone was telling me that he was saying stuff about me behind my back and none of it kind. I was drinking and got a little pissed off. I confronted him about it, quietly as he had guests at his bar. He seemed shocked but I was so mad that I didn't think that it could be because he didn't actually say those things. He called me over to his bar to ask if I had acutally called him some nasty names and I said yes plus a few more. He seemed so upset and wanted me to stay until he got off work so we could talk about it. I had no intentions of doing so, but it is quite amazing how fast time can fly when you are drinking and hanging out with friends. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot guzzling water when he came up and asked to talk. I let him in the car and we ended up sitting there talking for about an hour and a half. I think just that has gotten us to know each other a lot better. I doubt that I shall ever have a chance to be with him as more than friends, but I am more and more okay with that. I would rather be his friend than not have him in my life at all. Yet there are some times that I wonder if he might think about it on occassion... though I doubt that he would admit to it.
Other than that, I have an interview coming up probably next week. Not much of a raise, but better tips and it should open a lot of doors for me.
Well I have finally made some good friends down here. Only a few, but they are people that I like to spend time with and haven't wanted to shoot me yet (one exception!)
Stephanie is a cocktail waitress who is pegan too so we seem to get each other pretty well.
John is a bartender, ex Navy, and has 3 kids. He's an absolute flirt like me, but has a girlfriend or I would have asked him out by now.
Jodi has 3 kids and is a little older than Eddie. We don't see each other as much now that she works at the Peppermill but she's there for me and I am there for her.
Rose has one son not much older than Cody. She is so exciting. Reminds me of how wild I used to be (but she's doing in much later in life, she's in her late 30's.)
And Dan. He's the one that I really wish for more than just friendship, but just getting to know him has been fun.
Unfortunately none of these people are someone that I can really open up to and share some of my more private thoughts, as of yet. I really miss having really close friends like I used to have.
Well now I think I know exactly why I am so good at embarrassing my self (besides my spelling.) Cause if I don't, someone in my family will do it for me.
My mother is at the Atlantis right now and wanted to know if Dan works tonight, I stupidily told her yes and which bar I believed him to be at, then had the brains to ask why. Needless to say, I don't think I will be able to face Dan for at least a week... and I have to work with him on Friday!!! Maybe I can just ignore him... yeah right, he doesn't like it when I do that. He would come up to the booth on purpose just to make sure that I acknowledged him. *sigh* This is going to suck.